


Good Idea, Iffy Execution

by parsnips (trifles)



Series: Tales of Love, Loss, and Insurance [22]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Confusion, Engineer Tony Stark, Feelings, Gen, Humor, Insurance, Paperwork, Playing Like a Fiddle, Post-Movie(s), Prosthesis, Sneakiness, wombats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 04:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3796957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trifles/pseuds/parsnips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Much like the last seventy-odd years, if this is the direction Bucky's going, he's taking everyone else down with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Idea, Iffy Execution

**Author's Note:**

> This is the world of [insurance-Bucky](http://triflesandparsnips.tumblr.com/tagged/fic:insurance!bucky). These are his stories.
> 
> (wombat-Steve gets a passing mention.)
> 
> wombat-Steve should just leave it alone.
> 
> (Yeah, and insurance-Bucky should leave his room and eat dinner instead of living off Nat's chocolate stash, we don't all get what we want.)

Steve has had a weird couple of weeks. Mostly because he only started looking up the wombat stuff to keep up with Bucky, and now-- now he keeps finding… stuff.  _Similarities._  Like now that he’s doing this thing, wombats have become magically applicable to their lives in the tower.

…or to Bucky specifically. Maybe just Bucky specifically.

So Steve’s gone looking for Bucky just to tell him that wombats, according to BuzzFeed, are protected by law in Australia because they’re an endangered species. And Australia is a country like America is a country and endangered means there aren’t a lot and there’s only one Bucky and basically Steve might or might not be planning to then… hug? Maybe hug Bucky? It’s kind of muddled in his head. There’s a 50/50 chance he’s gonna get punched in the nose for it, but it seems like the right thing to do.

It takes JARVIS and a trip down to the 37th floor, but Steve tracks Bucky down in one of the science labs, sitting on Tony’s work table with his metal arm detached and suspended in a cradle in front of Tony while Bruce appears to be filling out paperwork at another table. Bucky, for his part, is looking at some middle distance point that could signal anything from a triggered flashback to just being really bored.

“What’s up?” Steve says, hoping for option two.

Bucky doesn’t answer. Tony says, “Repair work, maintenance, no replacements.” He twiddles his jeweler’s screwdriver at Steve without looking away from whatever he’s peering at in the arm. “Damn the man, free love, hey hey LBJ, fuck off, Rogers, I’m busy.”

Steve stares. “What.”

 _Bruce_  has the good grace to look up. “Tony is having a nice time trying to defraud the government.”

“Not fraud if it’s true, Dr. Banner,” Tony says. “Don’t lie to the American Way.”

Bruce coughs. “Tony is reviewing the capabilities of Sergeant Barnes’s arm to verify it’s a prosthesis and not a cybernetic enhancement.” Off Steve’s questioning look, he adds, “And I’m filling out Tony’s application for the Board of Orthotic/Prosthetic Certification. Because he says, quote, it’s boring and Barnes is weird, end quote.”

“Narc,” Tony says, but doesn’t turn away from his work on Bucky’s arm.

Bucky, for his part, finally loses his staring competition with the wall and turns a mournful eye toward Steve. “Stark has to get certified because while my VA benefits cover the replacement of durable medical equipment, the VA itself only holds contracts with a limited number of providers. If I want an upgrade, it needs to be through one of the accepted--”

Tony throws the screwdriver. “I will  _build_  you a better arm for  _free,_  for fucks’ _sake--”_

Steve happens to know that Bucky does not, in fact, have VA benefits, owing to the fact that there’s still a question over whether he’s discharged from the Army or legally dead. It’s a topic that’s filled many an empty afternoon. This doesn’t stop Bucky from shaking his head and frowning at Tony. It’s raining puppies in his expression. “Wouldn’t be right,” he says, “me getting a nice arm from the world-renowned Stark Industries and all those other vets just making do.”

Bruce makes an undignified noise into the paperwork. Tony stares, breathing hard through his nose. After a moment he says, “I liked you better when you were a robot.”

Steve’s already got his mouth open to take Tony down a notch when Bucky just plucks up his metal arm from its cradle and slings it, like a weird metal boa -- or an “affectionate” headlock -- around Tony’s neck. “Pal,” he says, “after you’re certified with the board you’re gonna meet all the robot people you can handle.”


End file.
